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Hello, I hope you’re having an ease-filled week so far. And maybe even a playful week if you’re in Toronto… as I write this I just got back from a walk in Trinity Bellwoods park and seeing so many happy kiddos tobogganing brought so much joy. Being in nature is always super energizing for me… and apparently that is something I share in common with other introverts (and empaths). More on introvert-life below. This week’s image makes me laugh because I’m acutely aware of the fact that I experience “energy hangovers” (also referred to as emotional or social hangovers) after being in certain social situations. It can sometimes take me days to fully recharge. Yep you read it right… DAYS lol. Am I alone here?! Alas… if you’re an introverted empath like me, this is a nice article that speaks to the energy hangover that is common for empaths (and some good tips to recover). A word on being “fun” Last week I attended a virtual workshop on facilitation - the topic was ‘how to step into your power as a facilitator’ - it was something that intrigued me as I’ve been facilitating more group experiences. The workshop was part of this cool community called Creative Mornings - a group that offers an abundance of free educational and informational virtual events. Anyway, upon “entering” the workshop the instructor was an extremely energetic individual who led some group activities and shared some of his principles for facilitating fun and engaging events. And I’m not gonna lie - I was triggered the whole time. I will start by sharing that the workshop had some really great suggestions for virtual meetings. Suggestions like…. Doing a ceremonial closing of tabs at the start of meetings Prioritizing interactivity and engagement over content Encouraging internal safety through self-celebration (basically if you take a social risk, ensuring you’re pausing to thank yourself) Checking yourself before starting a meeting and activating prosocial energy (basically energy that is warm and inviting to those you are about to help) through movement, breathing, etc.
However, where I noticed myself feeling activated was in how the instructor presented what it meant to be a “fun” facilitator… And while I can absolutely see how some people might regard these things as fun, I felt like it further perpetuated this narrative that one can only be “fun” if they are outward or extroverted. And this is not true. Nor is it (energy) inclusive. In my personal observations of life, I feel like we are told that joy, fun and happiness are synonymous with big emotions, confetti and wild events. However, as I reflect more on this, I realize it is definitely not a reality for everyone. And I’m not gonna lie, this narrative has brought up a lot of shame for me in the past. I’ve literally had people say “you’re not fun anymore” and that was because I no longer chose to have a wild night on a weekday, or because I chose to focus on building my DJ career so I could transition out of my corporate 9-5 job aka introvert hell. I felt wrong for making decisions that were best for me at the time. Joy does not need to be outward Further to this experience of “fun” shaming - there have been numerous times where I’ve felt like there was something wrong with me because: We are sold the idea that happiness and joy are big emotions - and this has never been a reality for me. I don’t usually express extreme emotions. I have the capacity to feel them, but on average you won’t see me bouncing off the walls in ecstasy. This experience is often internal.
For me, joy feels and looks more like inner peace and acceptance. And having fun looks like savouring the present moment, and truly feeling alive. All this to say - the way you experience your feelings and emotions is a truly unique experience. Do not let anyone try to tell you otherwise, or make you feel bad about it. The energy spectrum The way we process and experience life is deeply intertwined with where fall on an energy spectrum. In the early 1900s, Carl Jung popularized the terms “introvert” and “extrovert” as an individual’s expression of energy. You’ll often see these used as personality labels. While these labels serve as a helpful starting point to understanding oneself, they are also overly simplistic (like any other label society tries to give us lol) and do not account for the complexity of the human experience. So instead of looking at these labels as definitive, it is much more helpful to see them as part of a spectrum. Don’t know what a spectrum is? That’s ok! Let me explain… Close your eyes and imagine a nice long horizontal line in front of you. One end of the line represents introversion and the other end of the line represents an extroversion. And based on this spectrum, you can land anywhere between the two ends - and sometimes it even depends on a specific situation. OK you can open your eyes now! The makeup of one’s energy According to research, studies have shown that personality traits come down to our biological and chemical makeup, with the key differentiator being the way the brains of introverts and extroverts react to the dopamine - aka the neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure and reward. This Forbes article further explains the distinction: The dopamine reward network is more active in the brains of extroverts, meaning that they feel energized when at an event, for example. The very same event can leave an introvert feeling overstimulated though, and they instead derive their reward from acetylcholine which makes a person feel good when they turn inward.
So what’s the deal… how can I find out where I exist on this spectrum? Well - transparently there are 204203402340234 quizzes on internet that’ll tell you where you fall on the energy spectrum (well more like tell you whether you’re an introvert or extrovert), but I believe there are two key questions that’ll get you there much quicker: Where do you get your energy from? Being alone Being around others Combo of both
What depletes your energy? Being alone Being around others Combo of both
The way you get energized and the way your energy gets depleted are two key indicators that could define where you fall on the spectrum… *Drum roll please* So, if you answered ‘being alone’ energizes you and ‘being around others’ depletes you, you likely fall closer to the introverted side of the spectrum If you answered ‘being around others’ energizes you and ‘being alone’ depletes you, you likely fall closer to the extroverted side of the spectrum If you answered ‘combo of both’ to both questions, you likely fall in the middle, and this is commonly known as being an ambivert
Common characteristics There is a massive misconception that if one is considered an introvert, they are often super shy, recluse and awkward, but this is not the case at all. Introverts simply process their environments and information in a different way from extroverts. And maybe an easier reframe to remember: introversion is about where your energy comes from and less about how you put it out there. If you were able to answer the above two questions to identify where you fall on the energy spectrum, you can check out some additional common characteristics below to see if your personality type still feels true for you: Introvert: Requires low level of stimulation Most comfortable in small and intimate group settings Dreads small talk and instead prefers deeper and meaningful conversation Tends to listen more Prefers to work independently Likes to process things internally
Extrovert: Requires a high level of stimulation Gets energy from being around others Feels energized in large crowds, noise and high levels of stimulation Tends to speak more Prefers to work on teams Likes to process things out loud with others
Ambivert: Requires moderate level of stimulation Gets energy from others but needs time alone Energy adjusts and adapts based on the situation Tends to listen and speak Likes to work independently and also on teams Can process things internally or out loud with others
How to apply this info to daily life Ultimately, once you identify where you fall on the energy spectrum, it will help you understand your relationship with stimulation. And let’s be honest - because we live in a hyper-connected, hyper-stimulating world, knowing our preferences can help us situate ourselves in environments and organize our life in ways that are more favourable to our energy profile. Plus - when we can be honest about our preferences with others, we can nurture our relationships to be mutually satisfying, where we feel true reciprocity that extends beyond communication, and instead towards our essence. For instance, this can be a case of suggesting a one-on-one park hang out instead of joining a large group of friends for drinks, or perhaps instead of going for a quiet dinner, you might crave more interactivity like visiting an art gallery with friends. Our human experience is dynamic aka always changing I want to mention that it is entirely possible (and likely) that our personality type can change with time. I know for me when I reflect back to my university days - I genuinely loved going out and dancing in packed clubs until the wee hours of the morning (anyone else remember the Brunny?!). Things have changed quite a bit since lol. It wasn’t until years into my banking career that I felt my personality type shift more towards introversion. A big signal was the flare up of anxiety and discomfort of working in a modern corporate environment (which is optimized for extroverts). From back-to-back meetings, to who was promoted at work (the loudest in the room), to endless networking events, to open concept work spaces - it was extremely challenging and affected my mental health greatly. Give yourself permission (and a lil space) to explore who you truly are The pandemic has given many of us the unique opportunity to access space in some form or another…whether that’s been space from the office, space from friends or space when checking out at the grocery store (just to name a few). And it’s been fascinating to have conversations with individuals who’ve shared with me that this space has actually helped them realize their energy preferences are actually quite different from what they thought they were pre-pandemic. By taking a lil space to acknowledge your energy preferences, it can not only help you figure out how to best take care of yourself, but can also help you express your needs to others. And just a gentle reminder - while this inner work is not always easy or “fun” (HA - full circle moment), it’s entirely worth it. Next week I will explore another very fascinating part of the energy spectrum - that is yin and yang or as some may more commonly refer to as masculine and feminine energy. Understanding the interplay of these forces is probably one of the most important (and helpful) frameworks I’ve learned to date. Have a joyful week - whatever that looks and feels like to you. Much love, B P.S. I would love to hear from you.
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