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Hello :) I hope you’re easing into the week - it’s that strange time in between the holidays and new year where the days all seem to all kinda blend together… and I’m currently loving this more laid-back energy. Last week though - not so much. I can confidently say last week was probably one of the toughest weeks I’ve experienced in several years. Feelings of anxiety and depression were at its peak and I could not shake it. While I have a suspicion of the triggers (i.e. anticipation of back-to-back family events, grieving the temporary loss of most of my IRL work for the foreseeable future, worrying about answering questions when people ask about work, and PMS … which turned out to be a bad combo when microdosing psilocybin*), if you have lived experience with anxiety and/or depression, you know how difficult it is to rationalize your way out of it when you’re in the trenches. Sometimes you just have to hold on with a small hope. As Matt Haig (more on him below) says… Nothing is stronger than a small hope that doesn’t give up.
I remember I was at the height of what felt like a total meltdown last Wednesday and there were a few things that helped me pull through it: Making time to grieve: The Wong Janice has a 10-day course on Insight Timer (a really rad meditation app) called Chakra Cleansing with Deep Cello where she blends guided meditation with incredibly powerful cello vibrations. I recommend this everyone I know because it has been transformational for me. There is one particular class dedicated to the heart chakra which focuses on grief and loss, and I knew I had to spend some time grieving the recent loss of work due to Ontario’s restrictions. And yes - grief extends beyond death! I know this might sound strange because we often only associate grieving with death but this is a big oversight because we can truly grieve anything… from the loss of a job to leaving an old apartment to old routines. We experience grief when we experience any type of loss, and grieving is so necessary to help us process change. Visiting a book store: Book stores and stationery stores are very therapeutic for me. I don’t know why but they are like a big warm hug for all of my senses. Art making: Instead of purchasing pre-made holiday cards this year, I went to Curry’s art supply store, picked up a bunch of blank greeting cards and experimented with some paint and confetti. It felt amazing.
These activities are resources for me. What are resources? Resources are objects, thoughts and/or sensations that soothe your nervous system. And more broadly, resourcing is the practice of accessing felt senses of safety through your body and mind. When we tune into a felt sense of safety, it helps us communicate with our nervous system - telling it that it can begin to come back to a state of calm. While resourcing is often associated with healing trauma, it is a helpful practice to settle our nervous system at any time. Why is resourcing important? Our brains have a negativity bias, meaning they are more likely to pay attention to threat than safety. This is a natural survival mechanism. Since the beginning of the pandemic our nervous system has been sent into overdrive, more regularly scanning for threats. While everyone's response to the pandemic will be different, what we are experiencing is a collective trauma and we need to find ways to recalibrate. Our nervous system is dysregulated and we must pay extra attention to this. To come back into alignment with our body's rhythm, we need to communicate safety to it, otherwise it will remain stuck on high alert, leading to chronic stress, overwhelm, anxiety and other inner disturbances. When might you use resources? When you're experiencing anxiety When you're overwhelmed When you're stressed out When you're moving through a period of transition Virtually any time you want to nurture your nervous system
I’ve shared a few of my favourite resources above, however there are some others that I’d also add to the list: Intuitive movement to music Repeating the affirmation “All is well, and I am safe” Breathing in for a count of 4, and breathing out for a count of 8 (on repeat) Cold water (running my hands through it or finishing my shower with cold water) Carrying water with me always Chewing gum or eating something crunchy (stimulates the vagus nerve which is responsible for soothing the nervous system) Carrying a soothing essential oil (i.e. frankincense, lavender and bergamot are some of my faves) Special mention to my 8-year old cousin who introduced me to fidgets this weekend. So excited to add these to my list.
Finding familiarity in the fluctuations of life During my trip to the book store last week I picked up a couple books - The Comfort Book by Matt Haig and How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell. There is a passage in The Comfort Book called Rain that really spoke to me: You don’t have to be positive. You don’t have to feel guilty about fear or sadness or anger. You don’t stop the rain by telling it to stop. Sometimes you have to let it pour, let it soak you to your skin. It never rains forever. And know that, however wet you get, you are not the rain. You are not the bad feelings in your head. You are the person experiencing the storm. The storm may knock you off your feet. But you will stand again. Hold on.
This passage is probably the best way I’ve come to understand my lived experience with anxiety. Namely, that anxiety is something that I experience from time-to-time. And this got me thinking about fluctuations, and perhaps finding greater familiarity in the ebbs and flows of life, and using this knowledge as wisdom. It also reminded me of a powerful lesson that has not only helped me tremendously, but seems to resonate deeply with many clients I’ve coached who have lived experience with anxiety, and that is… You are not your anxiety. You are a person experiencing anxiety. You are a person experiencing these feelings. And we need to make sure we are aware of the distinction. As we wrap up the year I feel like it is important to be aware of the fluctuations we are met with and will continue to meet. And instead of needing to do something immediately about it, perhaps we look to become familiar with it first and then look to our resources for soothing. Anyway, I would love to know how you’re feeling as we wrap up 2021. You can hit reply to this email if you feel so called to do so :) I will be spending NYE in silent meditation doing a semi-traditional variation of Vipassanā (using this schedule as a guide). I did this last year and enjoyed it and am planning to challenge myself in doing a 2-day version. However you choose to spend the week I hope that you are able to do it in a way that feels good to you. Wishing you all a beautiful end to 2021 - see you next year (LOL)! Much love, B * I recently tried microdosing psilocybin (for about 6 weeks) due to extensive research on its well-being benefits. While I initially noticed an increase in focus in my lil shroom experiment I also noticed that when I’ve been close to my period it seriously exacerbated any PMS symptoms like feelings of anxiety or depression. I am currently taking a break from microdosing and will see if there are any changes. Further, upon doing some of my own research, there are some anecdotal findings that the energy of psilocybin (more masculine - outward) works against the energy of the menstrual cycle (more feminine - inward) which makes a lot of sense to me. It also became apparent to me that most hard advocates of microdosing psilocybin have been men. No disrespect to men here but sometimes I feel like mental health research often neglects the unique hormonal differences that individuals who have a menstrual cycle experience. I will get off my soap box now lol. P.S. I would love to hear from you.
Hit reply and tell me what might have resonated.
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