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Hello and happy Groundhog Day (if you’re in Canada), I hope you’re having a beautiful week so far. First - I need to share something somewhat nerdy - I legit just got so giddy looking at today’s date: 2/2/22. Angel numbers (111, 222, 333, etc.) make me happy. This also makes me happy. And so does this. Groundhogs are everything. In other news, I have officially made my re-entry to the land of social media with new perspective and armour… AKA boundaries. In late December I found myself becoming pretty obsessed with checking local Facebook communities and was generally using social media when I needed a “distraction”. And while this is OK to do, it is usually not OK when it gets in the way of basic functioning. I guess you can say it was an addiction… In the Wisdom of Trauma movie, Dr. Gabor Maté gives a really simple definition of addiction and that is: “Any behavior that a person finds relief in the short term and craves but suffers negative consequences.”
I remember there was one particular day when someone shared something sensitive about an animal and it sent me into an anxious thought spiral that was hard to shake for a couple days sooooo.... I knew it was time for a break lol. Acts of refusal Over my social media vacation, I picked up a book called How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy by Jenny Odell. It’s a pretty wordy book, but I love her intention behind it - bringing awareness to the problem of commercialism behind social media and its financial incentive to keep us in a state of anxiety, envy and distraction (she says - because that’s what’s profitable). Jenny argues that this affects the way we think about our offline selves, and I could not agree more. There is one part of the book that I particularly enjoyed - the chapter is called “Anatomy of a Refusal.” Jenny gives a bunch of examples of individuals who have quietly (or loudly) threatened social norms with simple actions by refusing or stopping to do something. Two particular individuals/stories cracked me up: Diogenes of Sinope - a Cynic philosopher who literally lived in a clay wine jar and refused to have any possessions aside from a drinking cup, which he eventually threw away after seeing a child drink from his hands, saying “A child has beaten me in plainness of living”. However, I think my fave story is when Alexander the Great (who was the King at that time) visits Diogenes (who was chilling on the floor, enjoying the warmth of the autumn sun) and asks him if there was anything he could do for him. Diogenes answers “Yes, stand out of my sunlight” LOL. What a boss. Bartleby, the Scrivener - Bartleby is a famous clerk who is hired by a Wall Street lawyer, and is famous for repeating “I would prefer not to” to invalidate any requests from his boss. Bartleby ends up in some legal trouble and the dialogue between him and the lawyer is pretty hilarious because he continues to say “I would prefer not to”. I think what’s hilarious about this is that he is not actually outright refusing to do anything. He isn’t saying “I will not” he is is simply resisting and undermining the original request.
Anyway, while these are pretty dramatic stories I found them both refreshing perhaps because of the time we’re living in and the constraints we’ve been under for the last couple of years. Cynicism and critical thinking After learning about Diogenes, it sent me down a rabbit hole of research on Cynicism, and what I found is that modern cynicism is often misunderstood. The dictionary literally defines a cynic as “a person who has negative opinions about other people and about the things people do.” However, ancient Cynicism is actually based on a refusal to accept assumptions and habits that discourage people from questioning conventional principles, which they believed held us back from finding deep wisdom and happiness. None of the original Cynics actually condemn the world, but they instead urge us to question (and in extreme cases - reject) worldly conventions and practices*. An example of how Cynicism is often confused is this - we might think a modern cynic would say a politician is stupid and their policies aren’t valid, while an ancient Cynic would actually examine each policy impartially. And to me, this sounds like critical thinking. Important questions for social media consumption In my research on Cynicism, I came across this podcast episode and the host made a really great point about how we can use the teachings of Cynicism to help us in the digital world, which he posed as an experiment: The next time you’re on social media, ask yourself - what is the worldview being presented to me here? Or more simply - what is being messaged to me here? Often times there is so much subtle messaging in the content we consume - messages like: you’re not good enough, you have to be positive, and certain things must not be questioned. I know for me, when I did this experiment, the common messages were: Applied acts of refusal = boundaries So with all of this information, I want to circle back to the idea of a “refusal” and it actually kinda reminds me of setting boundaries. Before I returned to social media, I did some research and reached out to some fellow solopreneurs on how to manage one’s energy while also building a community online. Much of what I found and was suggested was around defining clear boundaries. These are my favourite suggestions because they can be applied to both personal use and if you’re using social media for growth opportunities: Define when you’re “available” for engagement and/or posting (i.e. literally deciding on specific times of day to check your apps) How much of yourself are you open to sharing? Asking yourself before posting: Have I already processed this and am I sharing it to encourage someone with my hindsight—or am I emotion-vomiting in the heat of the moment and hoping to grab someone’s attention? (source: this incredible article for empaths + social media)
The last two suggestions really hit me me (and TBH I felt personally attacked when reading the last one lolol). For a long time I felt that in order to be “authentic” and “real” to my audience I needed to share the ups and downs and everything in between. But upon reflection, I realized I actually hadn’t even processed a lot of the things I was sharing and so when I’d share things, I was posting it from a place of needing validation vs. from a grounded and secure place. While I don’t want to make a grand assumption here, I feel like social media is where people now turn to express themselves in hopes of 1) being seen and 2) receiving validation. And I believe this is why social media can be particularly draining for empaths/highly sensitive people, because we are consuming what is often the unprocessed life of others. And that gets heavy. All this to say - when shit really does get heavy, give yourself permission to take a break. Do you have any other best practices around more intentional social media use? Hit reply - I would love to know. Have a beautiful week. Much love, B *Note: If Cynicism feels a bit too sassy for you, but you’re also kinda into it I would recommend looking into Stoicism, which was heavily influenced by Cynicism. Stoicism is less about giving up all your belongings to live in a clay jar, and more about moderation. One of my fave resources for Stoic philosophy is The Daily Stoic - a podcast hosted by Ryan Holiday. P.S. I would love to hear from you.
Hit reply and tell me what might have resonated.
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