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Hello, I hope you’re staying cozy. As temperatures dip in Toronto, I find myself more frequently craving comfort in all forms. Whether that’s a nice soupy bowl of dumplings, a wholesome chat with a loved one, or a warm epsom salt bath. I have been craving comfort, warmth and slowing down. What have you been craving lately? Feel free to hit reply to let me know. Alright - to kick this week off I want to rewind back to 2020 (scary I know lol). The first several months of the pandemic were extremely dysregulating for me. In addition to feeling the collective anxiety of the world (#empathlife), being entirely out of work was a very new and intense feeling. I have always been an overachiever. I started working unofficially at 13 doing some odd babysitting jobs and was so ecstatic when I landed my first official part-time job at Tim Hortons (I believe I was 15 at the time). Since then and throughout all my schooling (undergrad, postgrad, etc.) I maintained a job, a pretty steady social life and extracurriculars out the wazoo. I was obsessed with being “busy”. So when the pandemic hit, every fiber of my being went into crisis mode. I spent much of 2020 just trying to soothe my nervous system to a point where I was able to function. While these were some of the most difficult moments of my life, they were also some of the most transformational. Experimentation and new beginnings During lockdown I found myself experimenting with various therapeutic modalities. I remember learning about Qigong (a beautiful traditional Chinese medicine practice incorporating movement, breathwork and meditation), yin yoga and energy medicine and it helped me immensely. While I had no idea what I was really looking for, I just knew I needed practices that helped me feel grounded and more connected to my body. In November 2020 I noticed one of my favourite Instagram teachers - Sasha Tozzi - was offering a scholarship to her course called Return to Self. Something told me to apply and so I did and I got in. The live (but virtual) course had a bunch of different themes that were focused on helping individuals (especially those who had codependent and people pleasing tendencies) reconnect with themselves. Sasha’s posts around boundaries and codependency was what drew me to her work in the first place. There was one particular week of the course that stood out to me. Sasha invited a guest to join her on the topic of shadow work. The guest’s name was Alex. Alex taught us that we all have “shadows” and these are parts of us that we feel are “rejectable” to others; they are the things we ultimately reject about ourselves. During this class, Alex asked us to reflect on a series of questions and write down what immediately came to us. This exercise was profound. Here are a few of the questions (and my answers) that really struck me: Q: What do I not want people to see me as? Q: What do I not want people to know? Q: What am I afraid of being?
As I stared at my piece of paper and answers I remember thinking to myself… What in the actual F*CK? These answers came out of left field. I don’t think I’d spent more than two minutes in my whole life thinking about “femininity” or what it meant to be “feminine” but here we are. So, I took this as an opportunity to dig deeper. I ended up working with Alex for about 6 weeks and I must say this was one of the most profound coaching opportunities I’ve had in my life. No disrespect to other forms of coaching, but any other time I’ve worked with coaches it has been quite material and surface-y. And to be fair, this is what coaching is for the most part - you sign up to work with someone to be your cheerleader. However, what I’ve learned is that so much of what actually affects our ability to succeed and do shit we want is rooted in our shadows (what we are afraid to face) and our nervous system. And if we don’t make time to understand and/or nurture those roots, we cannot grow. Working with Alex made me realize I had been neglecting my feminine energy and it was ready to make its grand appearance. WTF is feminine energy? Often times people think being “feminine” is associated with frilly dresses, dressing up, cooking and cleaning - however these ideas are rooted in gender roles and when we talk about masculine or feminine energy, it is actually not gendered. So I want to make that clear first and foremost - when we speak about energy it is not gendered - and similar to last week - when we say masculine or feminine energy they are just dimensions on opposite ends along a spectrum. Now that we’ve cleared that up… The roots of masculine and feminine energy originate from ancient Chinese philosophy and the concept of yinyang. Most of my learnings of yinyang come from the book Yinyang: The Way of Heaven and Earth in Chinese Thought and Culture by Robin R Wang. There are 2 main things you need to know about yinyang: Yinyang describes a spectrum of differences where there are two opposite but related and interdependent ideas or objects (AKA we need both to thrive lol) Yinyang is a concept that has balance, harmony and sustainability as core ideals and when someone compares something to yinyang this usually suggests a way of dealing with things through the balance or harmony between two elements
Fun fact: most people pronounce “yang” incorrectly (including me until I read Robin Wang’s book). The word “yang” should rhyme with the words “tong” or “bong” not with “sang” or “hang”. A deeper look at yin and yang Alright let’s get into some fun stuff here - so now that we have an idea of the concept, let’s look at what makes up each component*. Yin (Feminine Energy) The natural traits of yin (or being in one’s feminine energy) are: Receptive Passive Intuitive Contractive Inward
Yang (Masculine Energy) And the natural traits of yang (or being in one’s masculine energy) are: Projective Active Giving Expansive Outward
Remember: anyone (regardless if one identifies with a gender) can exhibit masculine and feminine energy. OK next - let’s talk about what it means to be in an ideal state of yin and yang. What we often see this referred to is a state of Divine Feminine or Divine Masculine energy. What traits make up Divine Feminine energy? Reflective Nurturing Trusting Flow Acceptance Pleasure Receiving Creativity Vulnerable Ease Surrender Understanding Allowing Radiance Kindness
What traits make up Divine Masculine energy? Present Accountable Confident Logical Protection Clarity Boundaries Courage Discipline Assertive Stability Focus Direction Inner strength Certain
And what’s fascinating is that when we swing too far into either yin (feminine) or yang (masculine) energy (aka have too much of it), we enter territory that is considered “wounded”. Here’s a closer look: Wounded Feminine traits Wounded Masculine traits Dominating Abuse of power Aggression Controlling Lacks trust Overachieving Burnout Reactive Closed off emotionally Confrontational Unsupportive Criticism
Looking at the “wounded” list might leave you feeling a little tender - and that’s OK. We all exhibit these traits at some point in our lives - we are human. I know for me, I naturally live more in my yin (feminine) energy so this often results in me working through the wounded feminine traits. And truthfully I am no stranger to any of them (except maybe neediness cuz I’m an introvert lolol) and still work through them on a daily basis because… #Life. Everyday application of yinyang I am obsessed with the concept of yinyang because it’s a super simple framework to use when I need to recalibrate. For instance - when I’m struggling to say no, I look to my list of trusty yang traits and know that I can recalibrate by getting clear with what I want and set boundaries. Or when I’m feeling burnt out, I look to my yin list and remind myself that it’s time to nurture myself or make some time for creativity. Sigh - I really wish they taught us this in school lol. While I believe we all have a natural state (that is - we are often more yin or yang), I also believe we are constantly moving through the yinyang spectrum. And to flourish we need to be self-aware of where we are on the spectrum, and then can act if we need to recalibrate. A quick note on environments One thing to be mindful of when assessing yinyang energy is environment. Sometimes we spend a great deal of our time in an environment that forces us to be in “survival mode” and demands an overdose of masculine energy. I personally experienced an excess of masculine energy for the 12 + years I spent working a corporate job (and feel like 98% of corporate workplaces exhibit an excess of masculine energy). It truly wasn’t until the pandemic - and when I started to learn about my feminine energy that I realized it had been starved and needed dire attention. Enter: 234234 new types of therapeutic modalities, healers, books, etc. lol. Activating your yin & yang Joking aside - I want to share with you some activities that can help activate your yin and yang energy, depending on what you need: Yin - Divine Feminine Activities Yin yoga Journaling Drawing/painting Dancing Visualization Masturbation Making art, colouring, drawing Spending time in nature Nurturing yourself with rest, fresh food and water Allowing yourself to express your emotions - i.e. crying, laughing
Yang - Divine Masculine Activities Doing a challenging exercise (including a strength component - i.e. bootcamp, boxing) Unplugging Silent meditation Doing something competitive - playing video games, sports Setting a goal Building something or starting a new project Reading something that is heavily research based Relaxing when your work is done
Today, with much practice and self-awareness, I am in tune with my energy and actually find it fun to get creative to figure out what I need to recalibrate. There is a beautiful quote from Robin Wang’s book that I will leave you with: We pay great attention to the foreground and often ignore the background. Farmers do not simply see what will grow out of the soil, but also make an effort to cultivate the soil, that is, attending to the background. A seed has been embraced (bao) in the depths of the earth, however, growth and nourishment will allow it to spring up and be on display. Farming is very similar to mothering, as special attention is needed in cultivation and growth.
Enjoy the discovery and cultivation process, and if you have any questions about how you can apply yinyang to your life, please feel free to reach out. I am obsessed with this stuff and it always feels like a creative problem solving adventure lol. Have a harmonious rest of the week and I’ll see you next Wednesday. Much love, B *Note: if you’re a visual person here’s a quick graphic I created that includes a lot of this comparative info. P.S. I would love to hear from you.
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